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最后一份礼物

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出事那天,我问了妈

:需要有心理准备吗?


没想过自己有一天能那么轻易的说出这句话。
但,何尝不是有了最糟糕的答案后,才能如此淡定的说出口



夜很漫长,我却多么希望和以往一样,不被打扰。



凌晨一时 我:有什么事通知我,我不会静音

凌晨二时 弟:通知(一) 弟:通知 (二) 
我没醒

凌晨三时十五分 我醒了,决定等到个答案

凌晨三时十八分 弟:阿嬷走了


原本以为这样的一句话,会很好哭 却意外淡定


突然醒来,便收到噩耗
让我否定不了心灵感应这件事


这一刻,我深深地感受着那样的痛







赶回祖家,迎接的不是坐在那座椅上的您 而是未搭好的灵堂。


爸:去看阿嬷
爸沉重地掀开那白布


我没忍住了。



一切看起来和以往一样,

直到

灵堂的完整了的那一刻,



像是正式的告诉你 阿嬷真的离开了。




门边站立着两盏红灯笼写道:

余门张氏 五代大母 寿享一百有余




我总是看着那对红灯笼发呆



红灯笼、红衣、近一百名子孙返老家

似乎是最好的麻醉药









今天,第十四天
所有仪式都告一段落。



我把过去两星期想了好几遍,

觉得这一切更像是为留下来的人而作



五天的告别式,是您让我们尽最后孝心的一次
而接下来的头七、十四天、一百天

更像是为了让大家有了理由
回到老家团聚。




我始终相信每件事都有它自己的时间线
再美好的事情都有个倒数器
它不会永远都在,
但至少我将最美好的刻印在心中。





我没办法知道亡后长什么样
但我知道这是您留下的告别礼,
给我们的最后一份礼物。














记 农历 二零年润四月二十四
孝孙女 笔



About My Body

A little confess about my body, myself. 

During my highschool, my back just decided to be a little bit extra, and bend that lumbar aka lower part of my spine. Since then, I couldn’t do things/ workout like how normal people does. Even a little longer time of sitting makes me cry at my back cause it hurts so bad. And I started to hate my body, sometimes, even my self, cause? I am not the same as all of you. Then I stopped exercising, cause it hurts, simple as that. I gained weight, cause I’m not moving at all. Till one day, something just hit in my mind, and I just wanted to try challenging myself again, despite of the pain, the unwillingness. Yes, it does still hurts, but along the way, what I gained is more than just a better body, also how to love yourself as you are. I couldn’t do crunches, so I modified it as how my body could cope, I couldn’t do leg raises, so I find something similar that I could do it in a long way instead. And bam, I’m a person with scoliosis and I made it. It’…